Albert Camus wrote "One always has exaggerated ideas about what one doesn't know." He's genius, it's true. Things that are unknown have this way about them - lofty and bright, or dark and damned. Expectations and reality are not friends. They do not meet for coffee and chat about making lives easier. They bicker and divvy up people's feelings. I probably need a reality check. I'm having some sort of identity crisis. Or something. Sometimes, at night, when I'm alone with my thoughts I let them wander to places I've never been and books I've never read and foods I've never eaten. I feel like I'm betraying myself for wanting things I've never wanted before. Or thinking and feeling things that I have never thought or felt before, yet leave me with that strange, familiar lingering of deja vu. At the end of the day, when the night swallows the rest, I'm left. I've capsized. For a moment I think, surely it must be easier to tread water. But I'm too tired to kick and fight and would rather allow myself to be carried out to sea. I don't know how to marry expectations and reality. I'd rather hang tightly to my expectations, but that means I don't really know myself. Or anything else, for that matter. It's just so hard to make them fit.

MIA

Life happened, and I stopped blogging. Which is weird, in retrospect, because isn't that what having a blog is for - documenting aforementioned life? Strange. Here's a brief rundown of the last month or so, with a promise to resume blogging.

-We moved to Seaside, California. Yes, it is as beautiful and quaint as it sounds.
-I am unemployed. (And I miss my job.)
-We have a house.
-I'm slowly adjusting to military life.
-I have accumulated 5 knitting books in the last 4 weeks.
-The joys of having one's own washer and dryer have been discovered.
-We have found a nice church.
-I miss Tex-Mex food. (Tons.)
-I REALLY miss my friends.
-I started writing again.
-Jeremy is beginning to teach me to play the guitar.
-I am teaching Jeremy how to recycle his Dr Pepper cans.
-I'm still not pregnant. Stop asking.
-I learned how to tie a tie. Victory!

Forever

i have found what you are like
the rain
(Who feathers frightened fields
with the superior dust-of-sleep. wields
easily the pale club of the wind
and swirled justly souls of flower strike
the air in utterable coolness
deeds of gren thrilling light
with thinned
newfragile yellows
lurch and.press
--in the woods
which stutter and sing
And the coolness of your smile is
stirringofbirds between my arms;but
i should rather than anything
have(almost when hugeness will shut
quietly)almost,
your kiss
e.e. cummings